Dear Lord, I'd Rather Die in a Cathouse in Reno...

My love of Big Lots is well documented.  In fact, my relationship with Big Lots is one of the longest standing & most amiable relationships I have; we go WAAAAY back.  Just take a look in my pantry; there are little orange & white stickers everywhere.  There's something about that place that appeals to the hunter-gatherer in me... and the hoarder.  Why buy 1 bottle of shampoo when you can purchase the entire shelf at such a bargain price--plus who knows if they will still have that brand when you return.  Buy it!

I just love the fact that I can get Prince of Peace green tea at Big Lots for $3.50 when it's $8 at Kroger, Starkist Lunch to Go tuna salad kits for $1 and Tom's of Maine toothpaste for half of what it costs at the hippie grocery store.  (I don't actually know how much it costs at the hippie grocery because I've only ever purchased it at Big Lots, but I'm sure it's a stellar deal)  I love that there's a huge section of international foods, spices & condiments that I am reluctant to purchase elsewhere lest I don't care for it and waste my money.  But at Big Lots it's okay to purchase jalapeno sardines because after all, they were just $3.50.  

Try it!

This could explain why there are 40 cans of soup in my pantry.  

Anyway, I've got this little garden project going on & I've used all my flower pots, so off to Big Lots I go.  Sadly, I've waited too late to purchase any suitable flower pots... but since I'm here...  

Half way through the store, I was stricken.  I haven't been feeling well over the last couple of days and I probably shouldn't have let that sushi sit in the car for so long before eating it--suffice to say I needed a ladies room immediately.  I nearly yanked an employee off her feet as she tried to pass me without making eye contact.  "Tell me you have a bathroom" I said.  She pointed in the direction of the furniture.  

Upon entering said bathroom, my eyes began to tear.  Thank God I keep putting off that eye exam.  This isn't something I wanted to see clearly.  I could smell it clearly enough to compensate.  It's evident that no one enters that facility unless the are in physical duress.  

What I have failed to mention so far is that the entire time I'm there, it's raining.  It's raining hard.  It's thundering & lightening and closing in.  A particularly loud, store-rattling thunder clap jolted me out of analyzing my situation and made me consider what might happen next.  That's when I started to pray.

"Dear Lord, please don't let lightening hit the Big Lots.  Not right now.  Lord, I'd rather die in a cathouse in Reno than in the bathroom at Big Lots..."

And then the lights went out.  

God, apparently, has a vicious sense of humor--although suddenly I felt much better.  I'm guessing the ol' flight or fight adrenaline kicked in.  BUT I had to FEEL around for the toilet paper, and then I had to FEEL around for the stall door, and you are out of your mind if you think I'm going to FEEL around for the sink and the soap.  Yes, you heard me.  I left a bathroom without washing my hands... at least when I finally found the door.  And you know what?  You would have too.  I'm not going to risk touching that diaper that was on the basin.  Brrrr. 

Of course, right as I emerged from the restroom, the lights came back on, but the damage was done.  Shaken to the core, focused almost solely on taking a shower, I headed toward the exit.   Right after I checked to see if they still had some of those udon noodles I love so much.